As I am getting closer to my goal, questions about the future start to pop up. Not just from me, but from people around me as well. I feel the need to think about who I will meet in Istanbul, or who I will not meet. I need to think about what I’ll do after this. Do I go home, do I travel further or do I go somewhere else completely? So I feel already the pull of a ‘normal’ life with responsibilities and decisions.
Some of the decisions I will have to make in the near future will have greater impact on my life than others. There are several possibilities in the different cases of course, like always. And its up to me to take the right one. Now this is putting a bit of stress on me. The decisions I need to make now will not only affect me, but also the feelings and lives of people around me. I find this very hard. I need to decern between my feelings, and the expectations of other people? I know the last ones should not be leading, I need to go with my own feelings, like I’ve done the last couple of months. But this is not so easy anymore. Everything on this trip has been perfect. I could find the reason of most happenings and could see the purpose of all encounters. So why do I feel different now? Why do I suddenly feel the need to make decisions instead of letting them happen in a natural way? I think its just old habits.
The last couple of days I have spend with my friends from the Blue Star organisation in Romania. Me and my mom were welcomed very warmly. We watched some inspirational talks of the founder of this organisation. One of them was titled: ‘Stay with what is.’ Don’t be concerned with future problems, work on what is now before you. I do not need to worry about Istanbul or after that. I need now to worry about the snow that is suddenly coming down, the wind that is blowing ferociously and the temperatures dropping dramatically from a really comfortable 25 degrees three days ago to just 1 or 2 now. But even in this I have nothing to decide. These things happen and the consequences will show themselves. This is easy to say when it only affects me. Having the faith that the same feeling that guided me on my trip will guide me afterwards is hard. My old habits of wanting control and certainty start to come back again. The physical trip might be almost over. The inner one continues nonetheless.
So, after my last writing to you I biked the Danube till Giurgiu. In that small town I stored my bike in a workplace where they pressurise tires so I could take a bus to Bucharest. They did not speak English, so I hope they will not attempt to sell my bike. My mom came to see me in Bucharest, I did not realise how long I hadn’t seen her. We walked around town a bit and were surprised by the sudden snowfall today, as were most people. The place where we stay is next to the Romanian Patriarchal Cathedral where this weekend the relics of St. Dimitrov are to be venerated. People queue for hours in the snow and wind to kiss the coffin and make their prayers. Amazing to see this amount of devotion! These differences in worship make me feel a real traveller. This culture is different and exiting. I hope to get to know more about it tomorrow! There is so much more to tell you about my trip, I am determent to work on this when I have finished my trip so you can enjoy it even in more detail.
Thanks for all your posts so far Thomas, it is a joy reading them. Wish you well on your inner and outer journey.
Thanks for all your shared experiences and wisdom over the last months (this opening suggests that we are in the completion of this project).
I’m happy when you are (and some other aditional conditions…) so you can and must go your own way, but consider this: we (your mother and I) have for you a real bed, a hot shower (daily) , WIFI, a massage table (not daily), a brother, a lovely cat and a few bottles of Weltenburg Dunkel Weizen waiting for you 🙂
But first: have a safe trip to Istanbul.