Now that my journey has ended and it is dawning to me that it might take a good while before I will be back on the road again, this website feels a bit useless. Of course, I am still writing my story and do enjoy that, but even about that I have some doubts as to whether or not I found the right format. The main issue here is the fact that I just cannot really offer any inspirational writings anymore the way I used to do when walking. I felt I had some kind of purpose in walking and writing. Inspiring people and thinking about life.
But did I not, at the beginning of it all, write that travelling the inner and the outer world was the same? Though my travel in the outer world has come to a temporary hold, that does not mean my inner journey stopped as well. One can even ask if my outer journey has stopped at all, since we are all travelling through life as time progresses. We struggle and we learn, we fall and try to get up again, more wise, more stable and more confident. I draw a lot of inspiration from my trip in doing this and in finding my way through all that life throws at me. My journey might have ended some months ago, it is still with me very much. I have learned a lot and had some amazing insights. Why would I not try to continue sharing these?
So, today three of my job applications have been rejected. Ever since I graduated from university, I have been trying to find a job which I really like. I have come close a couple of times, but never got accepted anywhere. By now, I have over a 60 application letters on my pc. Some of them got me an interview, most of them brought me nothing. I always end up reading: ‘’Sorry, we have had a lot of reactions and we found people who better suited our profile, therefore will we not invite you for an interview. We wish you all the best in finding a job.’’ The way I interpret this: ‘You’re just not good enough.’ This is a saddening thought, but familiar to all who have had tons of these replies as well, I am sure.
How did travelling to Istanbul change my perspective on these matters?
First of all; I (and you) do matter. People care about me and I care about people. It might be a mundane thought and even a bit arrogant, but I have to remind myself of this, it tells me that who I am and how I am perceived by others does not depend on the kind of work I do. The questions is, who am I? With what part of my daily life do I identify myself? When I was studying, it was clear, I was a student. When I was in a relationship, it was clear, I was the boyfriend of… When I was walking, I was Trekking Thomas. Who am I now? What do I identify with now? There is only one thing, and that is me. If I am surrounded by uncertainty, I have to find the certainty in myself. Finding a job does not equal gaining meaning or self-worth.
Connected to this, yet different: it is more important to be happy then to have a job. They do not depend on each other, no matter how much we are inclined to think so, no matter how important money seems to be, real happiness is found only in the heart. And the heart has no use for money. I hope I will never have to prove the truth of these words, but if I have to, I will do it happily.
Last but not least; I know there is a place for all of us. I know what it feels like to be at the right place at the right time. And I do dare to trust that there is a right place at any given time. This leads me to trust that where I am now is the right place for me, as is your place for you. And if a job fits, that is perfect too. Not having a job might be inconvenient, it does not touch me on my deepest level.
Of course I felt disappointed getting three rejections within two hours. But reflecting on this made me feel stronger and more confident in a bright future. I will be putting a lot of effort in the finding of a job. Trusting in the fact that everything might be perfect, should not make one inert. Sometimes making the most effort can be perfect at a given time. And sometimes, you have to give up what you have got to make room for something new. How I love contingency.
I would be happy to read what you think.